Haven't been here on the blog in a bit, and while I wish there was some great reason, like deciding to forgo blogging for Lent, it is a combination of being fairly busy, very stressed, and a little lazy. My Lent did not go nearly as well as I had hoped. My spirituality is important to me, and yet I am finding it harder and harder to make decision that support that value. It's not about making bad decisions or doing the wrong thing, it's just about the fact that I haven't been making a conscious effort to improve my relationship with God.
The description of a retreat I'm hoping to attend in a few weeks says it provides "tools for continuing [the] journey of faith." The tools are what I've been lacking lately! I feel like I've been approaching my spiritual journey with a compass and a book of matches, when what I really need is a GPS device and a flood light. I'm trying to remember what I told retreatants on a START retreat once - that the path toward God is always in front of us, but sometimes it is more difficult to see. I remember telling people that sometimes the path was clear, and sometimes it was like stepping stones hidden beneath the water. Lately, I feel like the path is a tightrope, that I must take every step carefully for fear of falling off entirely. It is frustrating to feel forced into walking one step at a time, when all I want to do is run full speed ahead toward my Destination.